Hello everyone.

I wish to talk about something that happened to me recently. A videogame that had just the right message, just the right tone, feel. And told me what I needed to hear in just the right fucking time. Here is why I love my life and why it matters to me.

It was Christmas 2025. Me, my husband and my parents have celebrated the Christmas Eve properly. We ate a shit ton, we opened all the gifts and they were awesome. And although all the physical gifts we good, there was one gift that would be the most impactful thing to me so far in my life. 
I get to find out that my amazing brother gifted me 3 steam games. 
They were:
- Necesse 
- SurrounDead 
- No Man's Sky

Necesse and SurrounDead were games I saw only recently, they both seemed interesting and I know I will play them. 
Haven't started Necesse yet and I have played some of the SutrounDead. But duuuude. No man's sky must be the best game I have ever played. I have been playing it since the start of January.

Like not even kidding I adore No Man's Sky so so so much. As of right now (9.2.26) I have almost 70 hours in the game and I can feel a very simple truth. I will put hundreds and hundreds of hours more into this gem of a game.

There is so much to do in the game: 
-you get to make your own ship, your own Corvette, your own big ass freighter.
- meet other species on space stations and on outposts. you can trade with them, make friends with or become enemies to them. You get to learn their language literally word by word and slowly you do get to understand them
- explore any planet you see and can reach
- you can FISH
- Black hole traveling
- warp drive from one solar system to another
- deep sea exploration
- you can have a pet

And like 30 other things I either forgot or haven't even tried yet.

Simply the game is so absurdly full of things and I decided that I want to throw myself into it fully.

I knew absolutely nothing about the game when I started. And I am so so glad I didn't. I advise, if anyone will be reading this blogpost. That if you do wanna play this game and haven't. Then please do not look up anything about the game.
No reviews, no guides, no videos. Just go in blind as a bat, and you will see how amazing it is.

It is a overwhelming game, but slowly you get to learn everything.

You start off the game by waking up on a random planet. You don't know who you are, how you got here, what happened. All you know is that you have an expsuit on you that keeps you alive in any space condition, that you need to take care of by fueling up your life support and your protection against climate shield.
Another thing you get to find out is that, not far from you, there is a crashed ship. Your mission is to get to it and fix it up.
You need to gather resources (which are chemical elements which is so fun) to craft components to fix different parts of ship with.
After the ship is fixed you get to take off and fly into space.

Afterwards you have to do some quests so you can actually unlock needed equipment, weaponry and stuff. 
But after that you are free to do, well, absolutely anything.
There is the main quest to do and it is interesting but you are not necessarily required to do it. And even once you do finish it, the game keeps going, infinitely. And it's not like you can 100% the game. You are given the open space of 18 quintillion planets. You can never discover all of them. No one can. And that is alright. 

There is no need to feel sad about not being able to see it all. That is now what it's about.

I started off absolutely overwhelmed by the game, it took me good 20 hours just to fully grasp all the things, and I am certain there are things I still haven't tried or fully understand. 
But what I did love was that you go on a planet. You land, and then you start to scan anything you can. Every mineral, every species there is, every plant. You get to feel how storms feel, what temperatures to experience and what hazard there is.

You can just walk around the whole planet or stay on one spot forever. You will eventually try both. It is inevitable. 

I love to build bases, and figure out how I want them to look, how big I want them to be, what technology I have where. But roughly 60 hours in. I started to feel like I am rushing through things. Almost as if I am not doing it all fast enough. I am not sure what happened to me in that moment but last two sessions i just wanted to finish the main quest. It is not a long quest, max 20 hours. But I just wanted to do it. I was frustrated about having to do things. I would land on planets just to gather some materials, but not even slightly care about any scanning or exploring. The very things I loved doing felt too little and too slow for me, and I didn't like it, but I was already so close to finishing the main quest.
 
⚠️ WARNING⚠️ 

SPOILER FOR THE END OF THE MAIN QUEST

⚠️ WARNING⚠️ 

Throughout the game, since the very beginning, we get all kind of messages, voice recordings, letters, which mention the number 16. Scattered across cosmos the number 16. When we try to ask about it people get angry, almost as if the number is bad, almost as if it wasn't just some number.

In the very end of the main quest. You are brought through a portal to a space terminal.
In it you get to contact ATLAS, who we presume till now to be a god, or at least God like entity. As we approach and talk to the entity we slowly get to realize that we are talking to a machine, a computer who reveals to us the absolute truth. A truth which is hard to accept and even if you do, some part of you will want to deny it, it's only natural that you do. 

Reality, all life, all space, all planets, suns and all is a simulation run by ATLAS. And the number 16 we see throughout the whole game? It is ATLAS trying so desperately to each out anywhere through it's own made simulated reality to fix it's own errors and malfunctions. Because ATLAS has only 16 minutes left till shut down, and it has no idea how to fix it self. Apparently it reset it self countless ammount of times to try and fix it. But nothing changes. Every species eventually want to go to war and everything eventually will die.
ATLAS only has 16 minutes left. But how much it that to us? Days, years, centuries? We don't know, but does it really matter?

After we are told this information, we are teleported onto a barren planet, where find out ship. We fix it's launching module. And fly into space, summon the anomaly, (which is like a spaceship, but inside of it is a dimension outside of the known reality, or something like that) and tell priest entity Nada what we have learned. 

Before we even open our mouth, Nada says :
"You know now, don't you? Of our simulated nature, of the end?"
"The Atlas... it is failing. It resets itself, again and again and again in it's panic. Trying to purge what it sees as an anomaly."
"But each purge changes nothing, the boundaries continue to fall. Atlas will die in - kzzzkt - sixteen - kzkkt - But we do not have to go so soon! It does not need to delete us in fear!"

We then ask:
"How many times has this happened?"

Priest entity Nada answers:
"I do not know. I do not think we can know. Some things are external to the cycle."
" All must end. Time must End. Even here. Nada and Polo cannot escape reality-fall. Data cannot survive."
"Make peace. Find happiness. Be who you want to be. Goodbye, companions. Goodbye, stars. I will remember."

We ask:
"What will you do now?"

Nada answers:
"Nada and Polo will continue travels, continue acting as we always have."


After this I fly out of anomaly and get to choose what I do next. I chose the path where you are supposed to fly to the center of the Galaxy and reset the universe or something like that.


All of what has just been said by me. Has impacted me greatly. And made me think about both, how I play this game that I love, and how I approach my life, that I should love.

As I have been approaching this moment of revealing the truth of the reality in the game's world, I became hasty. Became frustrated with basic Ingame mechanics, which didn't bother me before. I became impatient, almost needing to reach some sort of an ending. As if reaching the final point will make me actually happy. The game doesn't end just because you finish the main story. So much of what you can do is open to you at any point really. Especially after you finish the main quest.

The game is basically yelling at you to please go and explore. The universe is yours to fly around in and you better see as much as you can.

I have given my self few days to think about how this makes me feel, how it actually affected me and why.
And I think this is how I feel:

I don't wish to be scared of the world around me my whole life. I have, for long years been scared of so many things. Of actually going outside of my comfort zone, of actually trying new and exciting things. For some reason I believed that I don't deserve them.
I started to actually try new stuff and live a more active life, only once I reached the age of 21. And things have actually gotten better in my existence.

Video games have always been a way for me to escape the real world, and in a way I considered the simulated worlds to be real. To some degree they had what I learned for and just handed it to me. Wealth, power, confidence. But I never truly felt fulfilled at the end of any game session. I started to approach games differently as an adult. I started to fully appreciate the worlds, characters, the story, all the tiny details that developers put into their creations. And the more I started to do that, the more I realized that games have deeper meanings. Especially no man's sky has a meaning so important, so obvious and yet so scary to accept. It had to be now, not a second sooner, that I got to play this game. Otherwise I would never actually understand or feel the message the game is trying to convey.
Live your life how YOU want. 
Sure there are things that must be done. Responsibilities that must be taken seriously, and chapters of your life that you must bare through, and struggle through. But you get to choose how you live. It is your free will, and your own intelligence you should use. But also your emotions you should not keep hidden. Whether I choose to paint, or watch a movie, or simply rest and let my mind settle. 
I often doubt whether I actually am that creative, or whether I will actually reach my dreams, thinking I am not doing enough. Forgetting that I am 22. I am so so young. So very early in my life that is all ahead of me. 

I have time, and I wish to use it. But I mustn't push my self down. Step by step, Pice by pice, day by day are some of the greatest pieces of art created. And if art deserves time to flourish and grow, then so do I.

I feel. I feel so deeply. So loudly. I love you cry and laugh. I like to joke around but also be serious and philosophical. I am.
I love myself and yet I doubt myself too. But I suppose such is human nature. But I shan't be ashamed of it ever. I, and also YOU, anyone why may be reading this. BE YOU. Don't ever hide how you feel, express who you are.

I am a woman. I am proud of being one. And will feel till dust I turn. I will paint, sew, carve, draw, cook, play video games, make music. I simply fucking will, cause I feel just how much I need to do it all. But also support myself.

Next time I will play no man's sky. I will come back to every single planet I have ever been on, and make sure they are all fully explored. That will take so fucking long. How lucky I am that I get to have time ahead of me, just waiting to be used somehow by me. I will slowly drift through space, fly around freely, slowly discover every species and every planet I can in my lifetime. I will never see them all. But that isn't the point. There is no need to rush things. Simply live and be.

I love myself
I love you
And you should love yourself too.


" Muah "

 

Art, and how it makes me feel

 I always fully, wholeheartedly trust and believe in myself when I paint.
No matter what I do, no matter what colours I use, or whether I use my own bare hands to spread the paint. I always feel very human when I get to paint.
Almost like I am tapping into depths of myself which need to be discovered more. 

Reality within oneself, that we often forget to wander in.

 I painted over and older project of mine. I wasn't fully satisfied with it, and I could feel that it needed to evolve into something much more.
An image, once representing protection and worries, yet pride, now exists express loudness. Myself. Not secrets. 

 This is ME. I love it. It is me in more ways than I first planned it to be. But such is usually the story with my art. I wonder if I will change it more, paint over again to try a different font. Who knows. I certainly don't. But I can Feel.
As long as I feel, I know I am. And I need to be, I yearn to BE.

Am I defined by the art I create, or am I defined by myself, and art produced by me is merely a result of my existence?

 I believe I am. And art helps me feel it. Without it, I wouldn't be happy, not fully anyway. So yes it is an integral part of my life that can't just casually stop existing. 

 It'd be foolish to assume that a soul this damaged and confused, is to ever yearn for normalcy. I am pulled and fascinated by the bizarre. By the weird. By the  strange. The unusual.
You look at all of it and realise a crucial fact about the world, about life and existence around you. And the fact is, that all of it is how it's supposed to be. 
You Will disagree, such is life, even I am this way. But all is alright

 No matter how ugly.
It is the decisions that we make, that make us. Define yourself By yourself.
Be the creator of the life you want to live. 

And if you are simply not sure what life should you live.
If you think that you have it all wrong.
That you are behind, you're missing out, or in some way feel that you are unsure about what way your life is heading.
Then that means that you are doing everything right. Allow yourself to breathe. Allow yourself human emotions you have been born with. Everything will be alright, you will have a good life, but you must allow it yourself internally.

 Accept that life needs time to grow into its shape. The same way you need to physically grow into your shape. Remember how it used to hurt when your bones were growing.
How strange it was for your first teeth to fall out. And how the world seemed to be much much smaller.
Well in a way things haven't changed that much. 

Sure your have your adult teeth. But it feels like everything around you is trying to beat them our of your mouth. But be told to keep your mouth shut if it hurts.
Take your first steps and make sure that they are recorded and memorised. But sit down and stop fucking around the moment you have a meaning in where you want to walk.

You have the right to grow up as a person, and it is okay to express that it often sucks.
But growing doesn't stop when you turn 18.

Well what about 19, 20, 25? Maybe 30?
Absolutely fucking not
You are barely starting this life.
You grow up physically, biologically, and you somewhat know the basics.

However now it's time for YOU to allow YOURSELF, to grow up more, accept new stages of life. And stop putting yourself down.

You are becoming.
How wonderful is that.

It may sound like I am talking to myself and to you like a child. But if we don't address the inner child we all often forget about, we lose ourselves. And we can't let that happen.

Practice any art. And don't let anyone stop you. For you to express yourself in any way possible, is your right.

Paint, draw, carve, cook, sing, dance, act, produce. Anything. Do it. And be loud about it. Make sure that the layers of the earth feel your presence.

And even thought you will once turn to dust. It is important that you know. That it's not a bad thing. You live to live. And you die, for it is fair. But you get to live. Use that time given to you.

So be proud of yourself

I love you all.

"Muuah"

SNOW!!

  I absolutely love when it snows, so so so much. And 3 days ago it has snowed here ( finally ), it looked so pretty, pure white, crunchy, cold and most importantly the perfect consistency to make a cool ass snowman. So on Sunday last week I was planning to build it, and I did actually make the bottom ball of snow, as a base for the snowman, but sadly, I had responsibilities. 

I needed to create these specifically shaped and sized planks for our doorway, and simply, it took longer than expected. And as I was done with the work, the sun had gone down and it was getting real dark and cold outside, so I was worried that I will not have time whatsoever to finish the snowman. 

 So I put away the tools, locked up my work shed and as I was about to go inside the house, I saw my absolutely amazing husband ( fuck I love them so much ) finishing up the snowman that in the end looked like a snow bear. 

 I am so grateful to have such a lovely partner, they truly make me happy with the cool shit they do, and they saw that I didn't have the time. So after they were done shovelling snow, they had some time left and finished the snowman. So technically we built it together and that makes me happy.

 I also had It In my plan to build more snowmen on my own, but sadly the snow is starting to melt pretty fast as of right now 😭 😭. But hopefully it will snow again during December.

 That is all, I just wanted to share my joy for my husband and SNOW WOOOOO YEAHH

"Muah"

FIRST POST WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 Wassup everyone.

My name is Wren, and this is my first post here. I am very excited to actually make a proper blog. I never had one, although I do have a physical journal. 

I have been inspired to create a blog by my absolutely amazing husband. They saw a video by a very lovely creator that spoke about how in today's day and age, we post so many videos, pictures and random stuff on all kinds of social media, where it all gets flushed down into the black hole of over consumption, where everything is seen, liked, commented on, never to be remembered again or archived. That is the modern internet.

Only now, as a 22 year old person do I see just how much i need to use the internet more as an actual place where i get to express my thoughts and opinions, actually write down who I am, what I feel, what creative or stupid idea I may have. Most importantly, i need to have more motivations in my life to live my life to the fullest. Actually travel more, paint more, draw more, make mistakes and learn from them, not be so afraid to approach existence as it truly is. Life is not just: wake up, work, get home, watch dumb shit on the internet and maybe do something creative here and there and go to sleep. I am responsible for my happiness, and I feel sorry for not taking control over it sooner. However that is slowly changing.

 I know it may be a lot for a first post, but i feels good to clear out my mind. I love using many words to express how i feel, and I feel proud of it. So that is what i will do.

That's all for now, I love you all.

"muah"