Art, and how it makes me feel

 I always fully, wholeheartedly trust and believe in myself when I paint.
No matter what I do, no matter what colours I use, or whether I use my own bare hands to spread the paint. I always feel very human when I get to paint.
Almost like I am tapping into depths of myself which need to be discovered more. 

Reality within oneself, that we often forget to wander in.

 I painted over and older project of mine. I wasn't fully satisfied with it, and I could feel that it needed to evolve into something much more.
An image, once representing protection and worries, yet pride, now exists express loudness. Myself. Not secrets. 

 This is ME. I love it. It is me in more ways than I first planned it to be. But such is usually the story with my art. I wonder if I will change it more, paint over again to try a different font. Who knows. I certainly don't. But I can Feel.
As long as I feel, I know I am. And I need to be, I yearn to BE.

Am I defined by the art I create, or am I defined by myself, and art produced by me is merely a result of my existence?

 I believe I am. And art helps me feel it. Without it, I wouldn't be happy, not fully anyway. So yes it is an integral part of my life that can't just casually stop existing. 

 It'd be foolish to assume that a soul this damaged and confused, is to ever yearn for normalcy. I am pulled and fascinated by the bizarre. By the weird. By the  strange. The unusual.
You look at all of it and realise a crucial fact about the world, about life and existence around you. And the fact is, that all of it is how it's supposed to be. 
You Will disagree, such is life, even I am this way. But all is alright

 No matter how ugly.
It is the decisions that we make, that make us. Define yourself By yourself.
Be the creator of the life you want to live. 

And if you are simply not sure what life should you live.
If you think that you have it all wrong.
That you are behind, you're missing out, or in some way feel that you are unsure about what way your life is heading.
Then that means that you are doing everything right. Allow yourself to breathe. Allow yourself human emotions you have been born with. Everything will be alright, you will have a good life, but you must allow it yourself internally.

 Accept that life needs time to grow into its shape. The same way you need to physically grow into your shape. Remember how it used to hurt when your bones were growing.
How strange it was for your first teeth to fall out. And how the world seemed to be much much smaller.
Well in a way things haven't changed that much. 

Sure your have your adult teeth. But it feels like everything around you is trying to beat them our of your mouth. But be told to keep your mouth shut if it hurts.
Take your first steps and make sure that they are recorded and memorised. But sit down and stop fucking around the moment you have a meaning in where you want to walk.

You have the right to grow up as a person, and it is okay to express that it often sucks.
But growing doesn't stop when you turn 18.

Well what about 19, 20, 25? Maybe 30?
Absolutely fucking not
You are barely starting this life.
You grow up physically, biologically, and you somewhat know the basics.

However now it's time for YOU to allow YOURSELF, to grow up more, accept new stages of life. And stop putting yourself down.

You are becoming.
How wonderful is that.

It may sound like I am talking to myself and to you like a child. But if we don't address the inner child we all often forget about, we lose ourselves. And we can't let that happen.

Practice any art. And don't let anyone stop you. For you to express yourself in any way possible, is your right.

Paint, draw, carve, cook, sing, dance, act, produce. Anything. Do it. And be loud about it. Make sure that the layers of the earth feel your presence.

And even thought you will once turn to dust. It is important that you know. That it's not a bad thing. You live to live. And you die, for it is fair. But you get to live. Use that time given to you.

So be proud of yourself

I love you all.

"Muuah"

SNOW!!

  I absolutely love when it snows, so so so much. And 3 days ago it has snowed here ( finally ), it looked so pretty, pure white, crunchy, cold and most importantly the perfect consistency to make a cool ass snowman. So on Sunday last week I was planning to build it, and I did actually make the bottom ball of snow, as a base for the snowman, but sadly, I had responsibilities. 

I needed to create these specifically shaped and sized planks for our doorway, and simply, it took longer than expected. And as I was done with the work, the sun had gone down and it was getting real dark and cold outside, so I was worried that I will not have time whatsoever to finish the snowman. 

 So I put away the tools, locked up my work shed and as I was about to go inside the house, I saw my absolutely amazing husband ( fuck I love them so much ) finishing up the snowman that in the end looked like a snow bear. 

 I am so grateful to have such a lovely partner, they truly make me happy with the cool shit they do, and they saw that I didn't have the time. So after they were done shovelling snow, they had some time left and finished the snowman. So technically we built it together and that makes me happy.

 I also had It In my plan to build more snowmen on my own, but sadly the snow is starting to melt pretty fast as of right now 😭 😭. But hopefully it will snow again during December.

 That is all, I just wanted to share my joy for my husband and SNOW WOOOOO YEAHH

"Muah"

FIRST POST WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 Wassup everyone.

My name is Wren, and this is my first post here. I am very excited to actually make a proper blog. I never had one, although I do have a physical journal. 

I have been inspired to create a blog by my absolutely amazing husband. They saw a video by a very lovely creator that spoke about how in today's day and age, we post so many videos, pictures and random stuff on all kinds of social media, where it all gets flushed down into the black hole of over consumption, where everything is seen, liked, commented on, never to be remembered again or archived. That is the modern internet.

Only now, as a 22 year old person do I see just how much i need to use the internet more as an actual place where i get to express my thoughts and opinions, actually write down who I am, what I feel, what creative or stupid idea I may have. Most importantly, i need to have more motivations in my life to live my life to the fullest. Actually travel more, paint more, draw more, make mistakes and learn from them, not be so afraid to approach existence as it truly is. Life is not just: wake up, work, get home, watch dumb shit on the internet and maybe do something creative here and there and go to sleep. I am responsible for my happiness, and I feel sorry for not taking control over it sooner. However that is slowly changing.

 I know it may be a lot for a first post, but i feels good to clear out my mind. I love using many words to express how i feel, and I feel proud of it. So that is what i will do.

That's all for now, I love you all.

"muah"